The last 3 letters of the spring

Not knowing is awful; knowing is worse

I still wear your hoodies

I have 14 plants now

I know you thought I met someone; that's why. I didn't. I was scared you could have. 
I didn’t want to face her

My hair is long again 

I injured my back, and I need to do stupid recovery exercises

I changed my yoga studio. I do miss my yoga instructor, though. I don't miss the anxiety of
accidentally running into you

I still have anxiety about accidentally running into you. It doesn't matter where I go

I haven't been kissed by someone who actually wants to kiss me in a very long time. 
Actually no, I haven't been kissed at all

I will never finish watching Twin Peaks

I smell your perfume everywhere, for some reason, everyone is into Le Labo Matcha 26 lately

Remember that dress I wore on our 3rd date? When my flight was delayed by 7 hours, and you asked me to stay at your place. We ordered pizza and watched The Big Bang Theory in your bed. I was giggling like a crazy person, not because the jokes were funny, but because I was happy. Somehow my weird giggling made you happy too. Anyway, I threw it away

I want to move. Every day. I hate this city. I hate your neighbourhood. I hate that I have to be there three times a week for work. I should have moved two years ago when I got that job offer

I am jealous as fuck of every single pretty girl I see. Because I imagine her being someone you could like. And that’s absolutely ridiculous, because I don’t even know what your type is. I don’t think I was your type. I think my laugh was infectious, my hair long and shiny, and my eyes sparkly. I don’t think I was your type. I just think my joy was contagious, and you needed some

I wrote a book

I had a pretty bad health scare some time ago. I always think there is something wrong with me, but this time there really was

I got a weighted blanket. It’s heavy and fluffy. It’s like sleeping on a cloud. I hate sleeping alone

I still have nightmares about random blonde chicks—sometimes I think it’s because I found that blonde hair in your apartment that one time. Other times, I think it’s because you actually cheated with a blonde girl

I want to reach out all the time, but I don’t. I hate you for not reaching out either

I want you to kiss my shins—the same way at least once. I don’t miss you. I miss you from October three years ago

I don’t cook anymore

I tried to date people—nice people. It never went past date three. The reason was always me

I kept seeing a black Mercedes with your numbers. I thought I was entering psychosis, then I remembered your dad had one. Two months later, I saw you with a new car. I wasn’t even stalking—it was just there in my face…making sense

I don’t remember last year. I completely dissociated. I just wrote a lot of poems (and a novel) 

I didn’t ghost you; I was still in love. I know you hate my guts now

I am allergic to the sun. lol

I cried for your birthday, mine too

I have a coffee date on Thursday. I asked him out because, well, he seems kind. Also, I think you got my sunflowers and chose silence; unbearable shit

My Monstera is enormous

I wish you’d knock on my door one evening, on a random Tuesday, maybe bringing me some yellow flowers. No, forget the flowers; you were rushing—no time for flowers—but you had some candy, the pistachio ones, because I like those. You know where I live, but you couldn’t find my name at the intercom, and it was late. You almost left, but then, then you remembered my infectious laugh, so you texted something along the lines of, “Are you home? Are you asleep?” I am obviously home, and I am obviously not asleep; I can’t. I’d text back: “Yes, I am. Did something happen?” “Can you please open the door? I am outside; I need to talk to you,” you’d immediately reply. I’d buzz you in a haze. We won’t talk, not until the morning at least

We didn’t fix anything. I am still angry as hell

I went to Vienna. I felt like that chick from that movie

I’ve discovered I am actually a cat person

My next relationship will end in marriage. I am not going through another breakup. I am barely surviving this one

I still eat very slowly

I went on a good walk today

I would have never left.