The last 3 letters of the spring

Just call it what you want.

recent posts

  • Different Expectations 

    That was sad, there’s no point denying how sad it was
You only recognize it, when you’re no longer in it
It was the real me, and it was the real you
yet "it wasn't really it"
In the middle of the night
brawling the air just to come out alive at 07:31
as if I was never on the other side
as if I was never THE…
still fighting back my wounded mirrors
shadows of my innocence 

I'll hold your hand when the big, scary guy lurks around your house 
politely scream your name (in my head, how else), and let (the other) kiss my shins
    I’ll find my way out
I say, but I can't 
give you more than I’m allowed to grieve 
You love, and then you lose and there is no other meaning
It's not that deep
It was one of those things on one of those days
...
That's it.

  • Rebound

    After you get over the firsts
very quickly come the seconds
a second wave of unsent happy birthday texts and unwitnessed inside jokes
should’ve, could've, would've named as “drafts” in my google docs

relentless
    I couldn't see my face, so I looked at yours
very very loudly screaming in my ears, unnecessarily dreadful: me too.
It doesn't go away
It's just
we are in the after now and my hair is long again
    It really sucks to fall apart in a spotless house
So…what now?
Are your seconds as real as mine?

relentless

  • Placeholder

    the pause / the silence / your heart racing / cheering me up / your stupid jokes / your nervous smile / your man up voice / your way of saying I am here, please notice / I don't know how else  / but take this / take everything from me / would it help / I figured yes

    I just couldn’t / find the words / failed to read between the lines / was I using my eyes / and held my arms instead / called a cab half dead / I know / too / how to run / couldn’t move my legs / really needed to sit down / dizzying sounds in my ears

    like a broken record:

    I am afraid / of you / of this / of what I know will happen / If I keep my promise / oversized hoodies for men / dressed up doll, or playing house / I hoped you’d understand / I wish you could / hoarding scrunchies as a final act of love / and I was thinking about you 

    yk, I was wrong.

  • Just call it what you want

    I loved that apartment, and
I loved it, not because it was just a cool apartment
Sure thing, it was!
I loved that apartment because you loved me in it
Here all things die silently screaming
Here I might not even be
...