Last 3 letters of the spring

you are still upset 

makes me look bad, really 

makes me feel like an asshole

I said, I know it’s been a while 

and I don’t know why I am still crying

I guess I am just tired 

abandoning myself like a homeless child

cause what I really wanted you to hear 

was:

Why aren’t you sad also?

How can you not be missing me?

Or is the dying quietly milder than the missing out?

When you slept with that teammate of yours, was she a part of that friend group from work?

Or, perhaps she was the ultimate girls’ girl by

leaving a cheap-reeky scrunchie behind…

A good time in my favorite bar? doubtfully a nicer fuck.

I’d hate myself if it wasn’t that—awake 

in the dead of the night, all soaking—always blonde, nails painted, not even pretty

You went alone on that vacation 

Soul Searching 

sipping Negroni in an overpriced hotel lobby

All by yourself, never missing, never needing anyone 

Meeting that one old-ass couple 

giving you perspective on company, quiet vows, staying kind

They said, You think you have the time

But you don’t really

You only have now—wisdom tooth is crooked! 

Tell that girl that you’re still lurking 

Trust us, she knows 

but do it soon…right now even!

Before you run out of exposure

you gotta trust they won’t kiss&tell why you couldn’t without love <awkward silence>

You returned all hopeful

called me late at night

saying 

let’s grab a drink next Saturday, but what you really wanted me to hear was: 

missed you

kinda’ awful 

not moving to Big Apple—they did reject my visa twice 

Maybe next year, after my birthday 

I’ll try—right…only when you want it badly enough 

I couldn’t get out of bed on Sunday 

I wouldn’t understand

You weren’t missing me, it seemed like 

I went on our vacation

just me…and that one old-ass couple said

If you really love that one person, make sure she knows 

You think you have time, but you really don’t

and all the pretty faces—nothing more than the illusion of a choice

If you think about that one girl often

Call her, tell her you’ve been thinking 

You’ve done much thinking 

You went on that vacation 

and met an old-ass couple

Best Friends

Happy

They were barely talking—but you don’t need words when there is intimacy 

They gave you some perspective 

And you see it now 

All the important things have always been important

It’s just 

It’s been a while

of

abandoning myself like a homeless child

And I can’t understand why you aren’t crashing out

I saved your face in front of my friends 

Yours know me as the crazy ex

Why isn’t she blocked yet? 

That time in Munich—leaving it all behind 

Taking you to strip clubs

Updating your dating apps 

You need a rebound! 

Get under someone blonde

Or was it a dude? unless it’s daddy’s issues for men—and here I am, still wearing your hoodies

and my hair is long again

Come on, go on! I know you really wanted to
I mean, if I wasn’t doing it for you, someone else surely would

until

That old friend comes knocking 

You left the door cracked open when

You swore it was locked when

You swore it was true when

You said like-like

You said me too

Your loyalty would be feeling like cheating 

Borderline abusive, she wasn’t even pretty