The last 3 letters of the spring

It’s no secret
breakups are all the same:
there is the one who leaves—
before being left, and the one that never does
when they go, they take you with them
all that remains, are simply remains; the shell
call it an empty house if you want
the optimists would name it a "canvas"
too bad I am not one of those — in my reality, the snail has died
hovered in self-pity
and how stupid, after all, the up is down and the down is down under
it’s not that hard (that’s what she said “ahahaha”)
just fix the tilt before it gets fixed, if you know what I mean (smiley face)

So you are telling me he’s read all that and nothing changed
"How much longer are you going to keep fixing it, bro?" Just cut the goddamn cord!

It’s all me, I understand — I am deluded
however, I’ve always been slightly insecure; there is no need to scream about it
I told you off record, whoever’s keeping it — there must be a score!

anyway

What if the worst is true and it turns out that my soft soft sweet boy is a two-faced whore
things like that would drive me mad
actually wait! mad’s a big word — I am on the edge of a very tall building, looking down at them, ants aka giants in someone else’s poems, am I ready to jump? not now; not yet
we are still missing the plot of the story 
all of this, just a dramatic pause — building up towards a taller tale

So, where was I? 
at the what if my “oh, my soft soft boy is actually a coward” is that right? 
would he sell me for a bag of gold 
not even
a coin
or a moment of acknowledgement from someone of refined quality 
not necessarily of substance
as long as it shines brighter in the spotlight 
I am afraid I am always a shadow
a mirror if you want
yet never a diamond

I hope the grass was greener, my darling

I hope new york is waiting
I hope you’ll move into a bigger apartment, somewhere I didn’t swallow
words (what did you think? you pervs!)
what about my pride
what about my anger
not that it would have mattered, I am just saying — I hope you start clean 

This city is forcing me out 
Who am I to say something?