The last 3 letters of the spring

Messages unanswered 
Half-opened moving boxes 
Cheapest ticket; one way
Like, I actually paid twice as much for the cab
from the airport and into the new apartment 

Virgin soil and virgin bed, where I thought 
I wished, but didn't, and the feet of that one
crow in the corner meeting my eyes, shying away 
watching my likeness talking badly to me, I say
bird of night, when will this all be over?

Messages unwanted 
Christmas lights 
I’ve been eating a lot of dates lately—trying to stay healthy 
I figured if I am fucked in the head 
At least I'll have abs

breaking wine glasses in a sink full of dishes on a Wednesday evening—remember the dinners, your kitchen, the sink, the leftovers, your wine glass broken—your Wednesdays were mine

Somebody said I should stop cooking for two
It's embarrassing, and I end up wasting the food
I should rather focus on moving on
on healing
Working my ass off
Going out drinking or something
and kiss a stranger in a pub flirt my way into an affair with a middle aged man coworker of mine get a new tattoo sell my soul for a promotion smile until I cry—in a rest room of a jazz bar pretending everything’s fine I needed to excuse myself twice in less than an hour and act like the walls weren’t shrinking and draining the blood out of my body sip from my drink like I didn't just spit up my guts in the bathroom old habits die hard haven't done it since high school 

The smell of hope takes over, and I don't remember how to swallow 
‘cause I thought 
I thought…
how dare you 
I guess the truth is only mine to carry—chewable tablets for those who aren't ready
evolutionary screwed
aren't I?