Last 3 letters of the spring

Messages unanswered 

Half-opened moving boxes 

Cheapest ticket—one way 

Like, I actually paid twice as much for the cab

from the airport and into the new apartment 

Virgin soil and virgin bed, where I thought 

I wished, but didn’t, and the feet of that one

crow in the corner meeting my eyes, shying away 

watching my likeness talking badly to me, I say, Bird of night, when will this all be over?

messages unwanted 

Christmas lights 

I’ve been eating a lot of dates lately—trying to stay healthy 

I figured if I am fucked in the head 

At least I’ll have abs

breaking wine glasses in a sink full of dishes on a Wednesday evening—remember the dinners, your kitchen, the sink, the leftovers, your wine glass broken—your Wednesdays were mine

Somebody said I should stop cooking for two

It’s embarrassing, and I end up wasting the food

I should rather focus on moving on

on healing

Working my ass off

Going out drinking or something

and kiss a stranger in a pub flirt my way into an affair with a middle aged man coworker of mine get a new tattoo sell my soul for a promotion smile until I cry—in a rest room of a jazz bar pretending everything’s fine I needed to excuse myself twice in less than an hour and act like the walls weren’t shrinking and draining the blood out of my body sip from my drink like I didn’t just spit up my guts in the bathroom old habits die hard haven’t done it since high school 

The smell of hope takes over, and I don’t remember how to swallow 

‘cause I thought 

I thought…

how dare you 

I guess the truth is only mine to carry—chewable tablets for those who aren’t ready

evolutionary screwed

Aren’t I?